Crisis Averted? Not so fast buddy...

To my microscopic audience out there.... sorry for being gone so long... as I've discovered, I tend to retreat even further into myself when I'm in crisis ...sorta like going back to the real me - that introverted little boy who lives inside his head...so that's where I'm been the past few months, plumbing the inner recesses of my mind for a few more answers... not that there are any new ones, actually.

Since the last time we met, I still haven't set the world on fire with my film. In fact, I was terribly disappointed not to have made the deadline for Toronto Film Fest in June. I had some difficulties pumping out a full version out of my mac for submission, not to mention that the sound editing and score have not been completed yet. In fact, the soundtrack is being scored as we speak... or at least I hope it is.... As for the sound editing, that hasn't started yet so its looking like an early september finishing line for submission to Sundance, which hopefully will mean that I finally get to lift this albatross off my neck. Its come to the point where the film has been so long in my hands that I'm beginning to feel its weight the longer the time it takes to get seen. I desperately need it to be submitted so that another part of the adventure can take off. Once it is finished in earnest, hopefully it'll get admitted to some festivals and take off... then I can start hallucinating about making my dream come true..

As of now, I've stepped right back into hell to pay my bills. Corporate Communication at Temasek Polytechnic...that's how depressing it is. Heck, I didn't even apply for the job! I applied for the job 3 years ago and then a couple weeks back, their guy calls me up and asks me if I'm still interested. Being desperate for money, I said yes and Bam! Here I am, civil servant number 2626. To top it all off, their total annual package is not even as good as my previous job! The only thing that made me happy is that my bank account looks happier now. It was desperately sad two weeks ago but now its beginning to look less like an Ethiopian.

That's not the worst of it actually. The worst of it is that since taking the job, I've discovered I've lost the taste for reporting. As a result of being a sub-editor and video editor and not meeting anybody else in the course of my work, now I totally hate calling anyone up and asking for help. It's like I've totally gone back to being someone who hates calling people on phones and talking to anyone.

I think I might never like another job in this lifetime ever again. But then again, so does everybody. I'm in search of business ideas so if anyone of you is interested in some extra-curricular e-commerce venture do give me a buzz.

Doing scary things remains the only cure to the problems we have, I think. I know what the solution to most of my problems are. The thing is, they are hard solutions. Solutions which require a lot of courage, risk taking and straight out balls. Sometimes its hard to take the big leap. Sometimes I know I need to pump up those leaping muscles first before I take the plunge. Life rewards the brave. It always has. My advise is take life by the horns and try not to get gored so much. Things really can't turn out different if you don't try something different. That's physical logic. There is no such thing as luck or coincidence. We have to create out own luck. Only through doing new things can new factors conjure up new probabilities and coincidences for us. That's the only way to increase the chances of a miracle happening to you. You just have to go out there and do something different. What's there to lose? Your life? You're already losing it by the minute. You might as well take the chance to make it interesting. That's my new goal. To keep trying and not be so scared.