BlogSport - "The World According to Ah Siong"

The missus and some of my friends (actually one friend only heh..heh..) have been complaining of my lack of activity on the blogging front. The common complaint being "How come so little blogs? You never update one!" I smile when I hear that. Thing is, I've always thought that I should write something only when I have something to say. And truth is, there are just a lot of days when I don't have anything to say. Its the important stuff that merits writing down, I always tell myself. Cos I don't think I'm the sort who just like to commit verbal diarrhea (drats, still haven't figured our how to spell that word!) on your keyboard. I figured, who the hell wants to know about every single freakin' boring detail of your stupidly mundane life? I mean, really!

Then I remember that Kevin Smith's stream of consciousness blog does have its appeal. So that was when I thought, "Ok, let's try some of that today." And of course that is what this one is supposed to be about. Well... At least that was what I was thinking of doing about one minute ago. But I'm a Libran and I change my mind. A lot. So instead of this being just pure drivel of me pouring grouses out of my stoopid noggin, I'm going to risk imprisonment and global ridicule to bring all of you regular insights into "The World According To Ah Siong". Yup. One conspiracy theory a day keeps the lithium away. Trust me. If some of this doesn't flip you over like a pancake, I'm not doing it right.

Let's start with the a throwaway email theory - you know, the one about the KFC chickens. Word around the net is that KFC is now so named because they are no longer serving normal chicken in the full sense of the word. Instead, what they are serving is genetically manipulated chicken with no feathers, big breasts and wings. Nasty pictures of these chickens have been circulating the globe for the past few years already. And yes, the pics do look mighty real to me. So, the theory is that KFC can no longer be called Kentucky Fried Chicken because they are no longer serving "chicken", hence the acronym, KFC. And no where in the names of their items does the word chicken appear. Its called the 3-piece meal or the 3-piece plate. Its Zinger, the O-R Original Recipe Fillet burger. NO chicken.

Thing is. There's no way to tell if this shit's real or not. My personal gut feel is that if it sounds grubby and underhandedly capitalist, I tend to believe it. But hey, that's me. But that's not the point I want to make today. Nope. There are in fact other more credible reasons why you shouldn't eat KFC food, chicken or no chicken. See, a couple of years ago, there was a thing called the Tyson Chicken Scare. Now, the Tyson chicken scare is a true thing. It was reported worldwide and on Singapore news that Tyson chicken had contaminated chicken which it had shipped out to all parts of the world, and the chicken had caused some people to fall sick upon consumption. So our faithful Singapore newsman went down to KFC's leading outlet to conduct an interview with Singapore's leading fast food fried chicken restaurant - to ask if they were indeed affected too.

Now, KFC being an American brand, of course, uses Tyson Chicken in their products. That's why the newsman went down for the interview. But when quizzed about the chicken that KFC was using, this was what they said. "KFC is not affected by the Tyson Chicken Scare cos the chicken we use is kept in storage for at least 6 months. So the chickens we use are not affected by it."

I swear, when I saw that news report on TV, I almost fell off my seat. KFC serves 6month old chicken to customers all over the world! Chicken that's been dead for at least 6 months! KFC serves customers chicken which have been dead for six months. Have you ever wondered why sometimes KFC chicken bones seem to be not quite as hard as your mum's chicken? You know, you take a bite out of a drumstick bone and it sorta gives like its been taken out of a tin can, softened by the liquid in the can. Well, I think the reason's cos frozen chicken that's thawed out after six months can't be exactly the same as fresh chicken. The other thing is, have your ever smelt your fingers after eating KFC chicken? Try it. It stinks! When you smell your fingers right after you handle the bone of a KFC drumstick, there's this stale stinky smell of unfresh chicken. And the flesh underneath those deep fried skins doesn't have much springiness that fresh chicken has. It feels soft.

Now if that's not enough to put you off, remember that most fast food restaurants use hydrogenated vegetable oil, or shortening as they call it, for their frying oil. Hydrogenated oil is solid at room temperature and has a very high boiling point so the oil doesn't break down as easily. Which enables the restaurant to reuse the oil for far longer than normal oil. The bad thing about this is that it contains transfat. Trans fat is a type of fat which not only contains bad cholesterol, it also reduces your good cholesterol. The human tolerance of transfat is zero. You simply shouldn't take any. Bad cholesterol can cause heart problems, but bad cholesterol from things like lard don't eat up your good cholersterol. Trans fat does. And its derived from vegetable oil passed through hydrogen. Imagine these solid oil particles coagulating into solid form in room temperature in your veins. Scary.

Now if anything, those two simple reasons alone should convince you not to eat KFC chicken. Its simply not healthy. Freaky chicken or not. Note that American food manufacturers are flooding the market with Genetically Modified (GM) fruits and vegetables. Tomatoes which have insect DNA which will prevent insects from eating the tomatoes. Yelch. Those are not labelled GM in Singapore. But that's not the point. The point is, if they can genetically modify fruits and vegetables just to avoid using more pesticides on them, why would they not think of genetically modifying chickens so that they have less feathers or bigger breasts? Chew on that. Just don't chew on KFC chicken.

Anyway, that's the theory this week. Next installment on "The World Accoring to Ah Siong", I shall tell you about the Mystery Sects. Those mysterious people who call themselves the Illuminati, the Freemasons... the list goes on... Stay tuned...